


Oh My Dear

by fullyvisible



Category: Glee
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-07-18 06:38:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7303531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullyvisible/pseuds/fullyvisible
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Dave nearly falls apart during their nightly phone call, Sebastian rushes to his boyfriend's side.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oh My Dear

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on my fanfiction.net account, irishflute

Glancing at the clock, Sebastian dropped his bag on the floor beside his bed and groaned. He’d just returned from an extra-long Warblers rehearsal, and he was completely exhausted. The school year was winding down, but the new captain of the Warblers already had them rehearsing for next year. While part of Sebastian admired Hunter’s drive and determination, another part of him was wondering why the _fuck_ the group had elected this cat-obsessed lunatic to lead them. That second part was currently winning by a landslide. 

Stripping out of his Dalton uniform, Sebastian looked at the clock again and winced. 9:30. He had told Dave about the extra rehearsal, but he was pretty sure his boyfriend hadn’t expected it to go _this_ late – Sebastian certainly hadn’t. He grabbed his phone and dialed Dave’s number. The two rarely missed their nightly phone call – something Sebastian could only describe as nauseatingly couple-ish. Still, he _did_ like to hear Dave’s voice every day. Maybe this “relationship” thing wasn’t so bad. Three months in, and he was feeling alarmingly comfortable.

Sebastian frowned as the phone rang a fourth time. Dave _never_ took this long to answer. Maybe he’d already gone to bed. Sebastian had just resigned himself to the idea of leaving a voicemail when Dave answered.

“H-hello?” Dave’s voice sounded slightly off – maybe Sebastian _had_ woken him up.

“Hey, babe. I just got home – you weren’t asleep, were you?”

“No, no, I was just …” Dave laughed shakily. “I mean, I was in bed, but I wasn’t asleep or anything.” 

Sebastian furrowed his brow. “You okay, Bear Cub? You sound …” Sebastian paused. How _did_ Dave sound? He couldn’t pinpoint the emotion. “You just sound like something’s wrong.” 

Dave’s breath was ragged and shallow; it sounded as though he was trying not to cry. “I – Seb I just – I didn’t – I couldn’t – but I don’t –” he sputtered rapidly. 

“Dave,” Sebastian cut him off, a new level of urgency in his voice. “Slow down. What the hell’s going on?” 

“Could … could you come over?” Dave asked, his voice almost a whisper. “I just want to see you.” 

“I’m already half-way out the door, babe,” Sebastian told him, grabbing his keys and a jacket. “I’ll be there as soon as I can. Do you want to keep talking?” 

At first, all Sebastian heard was Dave’s shallow breathing, slowly returning to normal. He was about to repeat the question when Dave finally spoke. “No, I … I’ll be fine. You should focus on driving.” 

Sebastian almost laughed out loud. _Like I can focus when I’m on my way to see my semi-coherent boyfriend who can’t even tell me what’s wrong._ Still, it would be good to have as little distraction as possible. He was pretty sure whatever was bothering Dave would only get worse if Sebastian got into a wreck on the way over. “Okay,” he said with a short nod. “See you soon, Bear Cub.” 

“Yeah … Yeah. See you soon,” Dave said firmly. 

Sebastian took a deep breath and hung up as he reached his car, parked in the driveway. He almost put his phone in his pocket, but he stopped, instead putting it in the cup holder beside him. He wanted his phone to be easy to reach if Dave changed his mind and called him back. 

Sebastian’s mind was racing as he pulled out of his driveway. He stared straight ahead as he drove, lips pressed together in a thin line. His chest felt tight with concern. Mentally reviewing the entire conversation, Sebastian tried to piece it together. Dave had said almost nothing, and most of what he _had_ said was barely intelligible. He sighed in frustration, pressing his foot down a little harder on the gas and wishing, not for the first time, that he and Dave lived closer to each other. 

Luckily, Sebastian didn’t have to fight much traffic. Even on good days, he had little patience for clogged roadways. He usually drove faster than the speed limit to get to Dave’s; this night, he was well under his record time. As he approached Dave’s street, he slowed down to a more reasonable speed. It wouldn’t do to come screeching into his driveway; Dave would already know he’d been going faster than he should have based on his early arrival, but that didn’t mean he should emphasize his risky driving.

Sebastian didn’t waste any time jumping out of his car and knocking on the door. No sense in feigning nonchalance at this point. He tapped his foot impatiently as he waited for Dave to answer. After a minute – _has it really been that long, or does it just feel that way?_ – Sebastian knocked again. He was just about to pull out his phone and call – _maybe he doesn’t hear me_ – when Dave opened the door. 

“Hey, sorry it took me so long to answer,” he said. Dave looked slightly apprehensive, but he sounded much better than he had on the phone. Sebastian stepped forward and pulled him into a tight embrace. Dave seemed slightly taken aback, but he quickly relaxed into his boyfriend’s arms, his head resting against Sebastian’s shoulder. 

After a minute, Sebastian pulled back slightly to look Dave in the eyes. “You okay?” 

“Yeah,” Dave answered quickly, “I’m fine.” 

Sebastian narrowed his eyes and looked critically at his boyfriend. Dave was certainly _not_ fine. He was better than he’d been earlier, yes, but he still looked slightly off-color and shaken. Still, whatever was bothering him, he clearly didn’t want to talk about it right now. Deciding not to press the matter – _yet_ – Sebastian dropped it and moved on. “So, Bear Cub, did you have me drive over here just for a hug, or are you going to invite me in?” 

For a second, Dave just stared blankly, looking startled, and Sebastian thought he was actually going to tell him to leave. After a moment, though, he seemed to snap out of it. “Yeah, yeah, of course, Seb,” he said with a smile – a _real_ smile – as he stepped aside to let the other boy in. Sebastian let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. Whatever was bothering Dave was far from resolved, but at least they were making progress. 

Taking Sebastian’s hand, Dave led him up to his room. As they walked through the house, Sebastian tried to look around for clues. Everything looked relatively normal – maybe a little neater than usual, but he knew Dave’s parents were out of town for the week, so he assumed they’d straightened up before leaving. Reaching Dave’s room, nothing looked particularly strange or out of place. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected – a flashing neon sign explaining the situation? He’d just have to wait for Dave to talk, and based on the way the larger boy was standing awkwardly beside him, hands in his pockets and refusing to make eye contact, Sebastian figured it would take some effort. He moved to stand slightly behind his boyfriend and rubbed his shoulders. “Babe. Relax. You look like a guest in your own room.”

Dave’s tense form gradually relaxed into Sebastian as he continued to massage his back and arms. Sebastian leaned his head on Dave’s shoulder and softly kissed his neck. Giving Dave’s shoulders one more squeeze, Sebastian walked over to the bed and sprawled out, leaning against the headboard. “So,” Sebastian started tentatively, “how was your day?” 

“Fine …” Dave answered vaguely, moving to join Sebastian on the bed. “Tell me about yours.” 

Sebastian suppressed a sigh – My _day didn’t lead to me tearfully begging my boyfriend to come over._ He knew that sort of answer wouldn’t get him anywhere, though. _Looks like we’ll have to go about this the long way._ “Good, up until the evil cat-lord decided we needed a four-hour rehearsal.” He made a face. “The guy might actually be insane. I’m all for high standards and expectations, but some of Hunter’s ideas just sound batshit crazy – and that’s coming from _me.”_

With that, Sebastian launched into a detailed account of the evening’s Warblers practice. Dave listened well – staying engaged, laughing in the right places, chiming in with sympathetic comments. Sebastian critically watched his responses, trying to gauge his mood and see when it would be safe to work the conversation back to his main concern – the reason for his impromptu visit. Apparently, his concern wasn’t as subtle as he’d thought. 

“You do realize you’re watching me like you think I’ll disappear or something, right?” Dave asked dryly. 

“No I’m not,” Sebastian lied blandly. Dave just raised his eyebrows. “Fine, I am,” Sebastian conceded, rolling his eyes. “Can you blame me?” 

Dave looked away uncomfortably, but Sebastian kept his gaze steadily fixed on his boyfriend. His eyes were full of concern and determination. He wasn’t going to let this go. 

“I …” Dave started. His eyes darted to meet Sebastian’s, but he quickly looked away again. “It’s just – I can’t –” 

“Yes you can,” Sebastian interrupted, his voice quiet and calm. He reached out to rub Dave’s shoulder. “What’s going on, Bear Cub?” 

Dave took a deep breath. “There’s something I have to say, but …” his voice dropped off to a whisper. “I’m just so afraid.” Dave crumpled into Sebastian’s arms and started to shake. He wasn’t crying, but it felt as though he could start at any moment. Sebastian froze, caught off guard by Dave’s sudden collapse, but it only took him a moment to get over his surprise and pull his boyfriend closer, holding his head against his chest and stroking his back. 

“Shh, sweetie, whatever it is, it’s okay,” he murmured. “You don’t have to be afraid. You can tell me anything. You know that, babe.” 

Dave slowly sat up, staying close to Sebastian but turning to face him. Sebastian looked back at him, trying to convey all the care and concern he was feeling through his gaze. For a second, Dave seemed to be gaining courage, but just before he spoke, his form deflated again. “I – I just don’t think you’ll understand.” There was an air of desperation in his voice. “You’d never look at me that way again if you knew what I did.” 

“I bet I would,” Sebastian challenged, grabbing Dave’s hand and giving it a firm squeeze. “Come on. Trust me, Dave.”

Closing his eyes, Dave took a slow, deep breath. Tears began to run silently down his face. “Tonight, before you called, I …” he swallowed audibly before continuing in a whisper. “I nearly tried to kill myself again.” 

Sebastian felt as though he’d been punched in the gut. He tightened his grip on Dave’s hand as he struggled to stay calm. _Don’t flip out,_ he thought. _That’s what he’s worried about. Don’t overreact._ Forcing himself to take a deep breath – had he been breathing at all? – Sebastian regained a degree of control. “Why?” he asked, his voice breaking more than he would have liked. 

Dave shook his head wordlessly, staring blankly across the room. “I don’t know,” he shrugged. “I – I’ve been better, mostly, since … before. But sometimes, I just feel so alone, so weak, so _worthless,_ I just …” he trailed off. Sebastian was still trying to wrap his head around the words he’d been hearing. Dave looked so broken. Sebastian wanted to hold him together until he was sure the pieces wouldn’t fall apart. 

“Dave. Sweetheart. You are the strongest, most incredible, wonderful man I know. And I – the thought of losing you –” he swallowed thickly. “It’d kill me.” 

“That’s what stopped me,” Dave said quickly, a trace of hope returning to his face. “I just kept thinking of you, and my dad, whoever found me. I kept reminding myself … You care. And I couldn’t do that to you.” 

“Good.” Sebastian slid closer and pulled Dave into his arms, softly kissing the top of his head. He closed his eyes. “Talk me through it. Talk me through it so I can do whatever the hell it takes to make sure it never happens again.” 

“I don’t think it works that way, Seb,” Dave snorted. 

Sebastian bit his lip. “I know, but maybe … Please. For me.” 

Dave was quiet for a moment; he slowly began to speak. “At school today, some guys in the locker room – it was nothing worse than usual, really.” Sebastian felt Dave get smaller in his arms. “Just the normal stuff – shit I used to say to Kurt all the time. But it was just really getting to me for some reason.” 

“Give me their names,” Sebastian interrupted. 

“Seb, they’re not worth it, really, I don’t want you to get in trouble over –” 

“You’re assuming I’d get caught,” Sebastian cut in, mildly offended. 

“They really don’t matter. Forget about them,” Dave urged. 

“I can’t unless you do, too.” 

Dave paused. “I’m working on it.” 

Sebastian sighed. “Okay. I still don’t like it, but okay.” 

“Thanks,” said Dave, squeezing his hand. “Anyway, it was a rough day, and then I got home to the empty house, and – it’s not your fault; I knew it’d be later than usual, and there’s nothing you could’ve done about it – but you hadn’t called yet, and it was getting late, and …” he let out his breath and rubbed his eyes. “I was going to use pills this time. Mom’s sleeping pills. I had the bottle in my hand; I was trying to figure out how many I needed to take to OD, how many it would take to just go to sleep and not wake up.” 

“Shit,” Sebastian swore under his breath. 

“I’m sorry,” said Dave quickly. 

“No, Dave, you don’t have to be sorry, just – _fuck!”_ he cursed again, louder this time. 

Dave looked away again. “I told you. I knew you wouldn’t look at me the same way, not once you saw how weak and _broken_ I am.” Tears were running down his cheeks. “You deserve someone so much better. Not someone useless and pathetic like me.” 

 _“No,”_ Sebastian said emphatically. “You’re not broken. You’re not weak. You are _not_ useless. You’re human. And you’re in pain.”

Dave brushed it off. “I don’t deserve you.”

“You deserve someone better.” 

“What?” Dave looked up in surprise. “No, Seb, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“Well, that’s how I feel about you,” Sebastian countered. “You mean the world to me. Before we were together, I was a pretentious asshole. Now …” he considered. “Well, I’m still a pretentious asshole, but I’m a lot less of a jerk about it.” That made Dave laugh. Sebastian gave a small smile. “Look, Dave, I can’t imagine my life without you. And I don’t want to.” His smile faded. “I am _so_ scared for you. Of what you almost did.”

“I didn’t, though!” Dave interjected. “As soon as I thought about it – _really_ thought about it – I realized how much I wanted to live. I locked the pills in the medicine cabinet, and I went around the house hiding anything that made me think of – of _that._ And then I curled up on my bed and waited for you to call.”

“You could’ve called me,” Sebastian said. “I might have gotten your message, on a break or something. Or you could’ve called your dad, or maybe your therapist, or even Kurt or something.” 

Dave snorted. “Kurt would start to think I only call when I’m suicidal. Besides, I didn’t want to worry anyone. Everyone’s finally beginning to stop looking at me like I’m diseased, like I might fall apart any second. I don’t want that to start again.” 

“You’ve got to tell them, Bear Cub,” Sebastian insisted. “Your parents, your therapist – they need to know so they can help you get better.”

Dave lowered his head. “I know. I couldn’t, not right away. But I will.” He looked up at Sebastian. “I really do want to get better.” 

“You will. And I’ll wait for you,” Sebastian assured, softly holding Dave against his chest. “We’ll be okay. I’ll be right here holding you until all the fears and demons disappear.”

“What if they come back?” 

“I’ll be here to help you fight them off again.” Sebastian pulled himself even closer to Dave. “I’m not going anywhere.” He hesitated. He’d been thinking it for a while, but was he ready to say it out loud? What if it freaked Dave out? What if he didn’t say it back? _It doesn’t matter. You know it’s true, and he needs to hear it,_ Sebastian told himself firmly. He took a deep breath. “I love you.” 

Dave smiled – a relaxed, genuine smile of total contentment. “I love you too, Sebastian.”

Sebastian grinned as his body released tension he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding. _Dave loves me back._ Few people had ever said that to Sebastian, and fewer still had really meant it. His emotions had been all over the place that night, but now he felt pure bliss.

No longer actively worried about Dave, Sebastian was starting to notice just how tired he was. Feeling Dave’s slow, even breaths, he realized his boyfriend had already fallen asleep. Sebastian repositioned slightly, taking care not to disturb Dave, and closed his eyes. _It’s been a rough night,_ he thought, _but everything’s going to be okay._ Smiling softly, Sebastian settled into Dave’s bed, his arms protectively around the other boy. _He loves me too._


End file.
